Way to Conscious Communication
We are human ‘be’ings and not human doings. Our true nature as recounted by many sages is to be. To be in tune and alignment with our feelings and emotions.
With so much upheaval happening all around us, irrespective of the part of the globe we are in, it is becoming imperative that we give conscious communication its due.
Conscious communication is the ability to respond to a person or situation instead of reacting to it. Whether the situation is easy, happy or extremely challenging, the consciousness lies in being able to uphold a personal code of honor and striving to welcome the conversation.
BK Shivani, a teacher of conscious yoga talks about our value systems. As human beings, our essential and core values are peace, happiness, positivity. Let us call this the core set of values.
As we grow older, especially in the state of the world, which is invested in stress, we learn new values of anxiety, anger, pride, etc. Let us call this the learned set of values. At any given point, we have two sets of values. The set we extract from during a situation in life starts becoming stronger.
If you are uncomfortable around emotions because displays of emotions were not encouraged in your household while growing up, you will extract from the learned set of values and shut down your emotions.
You will extract the value of self-preservation from the learned set, even though there is no imminent mortal danger. In the process, your core set of values, such as compassion and empathy, which strive on emotions, will be buried deeper and deeper, making it harder to access.
Thich Nhat Hanh said
“In a relationship, we are nourishment for each other. So, we have to select the kind of food we offer the other person, the kind of food that can help our relationships thrive.”
We all have our wounds and our triggers. It is possible that a conversation with a partner about chores around the house, or time spent on social media, triggers not-so-desirable emotions. We are often scared of emotions, but we forget that the emotions are our compass. Emotions let us know that a wound has been scraped and presents an opportunity to for us to select which set of values we want to invest in at any given point — the core or the learned.
At any given point in our life, we are either moving toward love or away from it. Through our actions, thoughts and words.
When you find yourself overcome with emotion (pain, anger, overwhelming feeling to shut down), take a pause and ask yourself — how can I respond to this situation in a manner that takes me closer to love?
Here are a few examples of responses that either take you toward connectedness, love and community, or take you towards isolation, resentment, and fear.
The choice is ours and it is one we must make at every encounter to help unearth our core values and our natural state of being — happy, peaceful, kind and compassionate.
Towards love and compassion
- Responding to someone with kindness, no matter how much we may disagree.
- Allowing our loved one the space to express their emotions as an act of compassion
- Listening with our full attention without the need to formulate a response in parallel
- Choosing words of peace and no-harm — we can express anything we want, there are enough polite words in the English language
- Expressing displeasure at a person or situation by using feeling words (I felt…) and refraining from casting blame
Away from love and compassion
- Using words or tone that bring dis-ease to us or the other (harsh tone, unkind word, labeling)
- Shutting down a loved one from expressing as an act of our learned values and self-preservation
- Casting judgements
- Gossiping
- Exercising anger in the form of harsh tone, screaming, shouting
- Always blaming the other
